There are days

And then there are days.

creaking in the halls,

echoes in the calls,

dreams in those echoes,

at the end ...  a shadowy corridor, 

a tunnel ... a bridge or a funnel?

upside down in a frown

crystal clear in muddy brown 

My tunnel vision

of which I stepped out of today ... unfortunately despite a productive day ... I was still unable to settle to the night routine ... It is of a struggle post silver wedding anniversary  ... 

Acceptance still needs to happen for those still firsts ... The many milestones and plans one has when life is cut short a little prematurely 

Out of sync time schedules ...

... Beating bleating and repeating ...

The process of matter in mind ,,,

And all the words jiggling to be heard ... In rhyme and my nonsensical mouthful of mutterings ... all a while I go about this life different to most 

There is Spring cleaning and decorating and there is my version .... 

... Immersed in Mind ...

... And music ...over all that does not matter 

I anticipate more challenges in tasks to tackle 

The intrigue from my sister in how my in laws ashes are scattered ... lavender ice cream and catching and trying to keep up with my life here 

Lost time with family and friends in that time fatal too ... 

We have just merged back into life that we do ... Everyone is more mellow 

My daughter has always been in receprication of that unconditional love 

Before the mediation made my mood mellow .. She witnessed my well known p*** off moments to those that were awful ... she was as always laid back about the way I was in those very early months when I was at my worst ... 

In mind last night ...

who be more scared ... in the dead of night 

the ghost of trespass 

or me ...???? 

the classic combination

of dark and wicked
wit, in tees days since
I was left a wince
in skin a tight
and with no more fight
on a dead hubby sight
who would understand my plight

a variety of countries through

Tis interesting times without you

Canada America, Brazil and Argentina too

Mexico. Australia, China in twos

Russia , Egypt, Philippines, Nigeria

Iraq, Syria and India ... 

Too many European ones viewed

to name in single ... more than a few

Appreciating in the flow 

of those I will never know... 

In the night, with delight

some more space in sight
a long time in tight
but as of this night
the long haul in might
will see another bit more light

Mind in mess ...

... A slow seep through the home today ... the frustration took hold of me today ... I reined it in ... these can be dangerous times ...

... I have given up talking about it ... 

I understand why we withdraw and none can reach 

Streamlined in the rooms

... at least in the devices I am spoilt with

I have been in all; except that room 

I put down my tablet in the kitchen and proceeded into the other steamy room, where I picked up my waterproof device to finish what I started elsewhere with my loves ...

All those now gone

in a lifetime thus far ...

like a tapestry weaving in and out of life; leaving an overall picture embedded in colour fading in time with a wisp of all that was especially cherished 

All or nothing

in life a swing
transcending beyond
any comprehension

Meditation ...

has been my saviour ... I do not talk about it ... I just do it ... One needs to process 

and then of course when you have a zillion respondents needing attention on the  immediate aftermath of a crisis it gets misconstrued with avoidance ... withdrawal etc etc etc 

How did people think I survived

Anger is natural ... It does not solve anything 

I was attempting to forgive and not be bitter 

Bitterness erodes the soul 

That I and my family did not want to see 

That was the hardest of my life journey 

I was grieving too ... that did get forgotten 

respect for individual needs in dire  moments are very important fot the future outcomes of ones being 

The Extremes of mood

... And all in between ... 

The serenity and peace in my most troubled thoughts 

It is the opposite of what the majority say about the worst time of day 

I travel in my dreamscape 

when the nightmares are kept at bay 

especially when no one hears my say 

what happens here helps the day 

In earth of thy thinking

In the  many moments in restoring a life lost, I have had many many moments in what am I and what on earth was I thinking ... 

I am puzzled, bemused by thy actions in the immediate post crisis months ... 

I should perhaps have been allowed to go on a retreat to give my mind some space and time ...I would then not be clearing from that time too ... 

task by task in hand ...

with tips and hints from eyes in from those eyes out ...

By the time my daughter returns again we have set a manageable goal ... I had started being ruthless earlier in the year ...  It is difficult to focus in the right manner ...,

We have come up with plans reviewed ... after the latest death to keep me on track during low moods ... 

My Mum is already getting feedback from those who know me ... My sister looking at ways a while back to shift me from here to there with minimum upheaval and fuss to myself ... 

And of course the young ones ... and the wider family' suggestions ... 

Pulling pushing and heaving ...

and for once in the physical sense these last few weeks since the death of my mother in law ... our last conversation in the forefront of all we went through ... 

The determination not to be the third victim of consequences that gets scoffed at ... 

In removing tragic moments lingering in the echoes of time and clutter ...

The thoughts of how easy it would be in those early days ... still unprintable.. 

A Chill Running Down ...

my spine ...

life so alternating again ...

one in one ...

Action plans on bathroom or kitchen ... Mood dependant ...

The were so many different strands of life represented at the funeral of my mother in law ...

The impact to rethink yet again from corner to corner of my home to remove and be free ...