Appreciating...

the creativity of others ... the time in dank ... I am catching in time with the wonders of others works ...  the long evenings in the early day of mess in loss  ... the snuggle entrapped in those days in the distant from the motions of life that time ... the devastation some of us have at a younger age.. in a deep loss of love in no bounds ...

the next generation have a mixture of the romance in death and the cheese in what I say ... only I lived in what I experienced... And in turn in words ... until you experience love in loss does one get it ... 

The combination of

... much caught up again in a disarray of mess and mishap ... 

I had had a particular peculiar night ... I took time out and relaxed in best way I could ... until a terrific noise in the kitchen happened while I was elsewhere ... with trepidation I entered the room to find it smothered in safety glass. I had inadvertently left the hob on under a glass chopping board. It didn't like it of course. I am still not ready for much. This as much as I attempt. I am not ready for life  beyond yet ... 

... holiday movies ...

... giving restful moments ... 

particularly for a leg that is more usual in colour ... after a summer flare up in infection... That is most helpful in I can hope to attempt the walk long ... 

summer moments again

the enjoyment too in watching segments of the London 2012 ceremonies ... the inner glimpse from a daughters view with her peers in participating in her many roles as they did when if came here in schools aerial photos, museums Olympiad opportunities in projects using archived access etc. The performance participation in the ceremonies with those athletes and all those behind the scenes that had time for everyone involved, the Olympic torch and so much more with the various activities in local and county youth council ...

... it was the first Olympics this year too since our loved one perished, the realisation of much from that year and since...

fresh in bed

in linen change ...  a ritual for all but those who sleep elewhere or are elsewhere. What we stand in and lay in is a luxury when you not have. And for time shoes were not on thy feet and still I do not talk about the times not in lain. 

The amount of people who do not go along or up to bed. The amount of times talk skimmed my issues ... 

... Designs ... patterns …plot lines ...

... to have the environment not taking me away from my creativity would be the best gift to me ... however how it is ... The contending with the dreads, shakes and stresses while I work through not only the home  .... Tis those memories ... 

The turn around of life

back to life ... the jiggle juggle to swiftly make a home a home ... again ... 

The way we find our life works. The segments in place to enable us to live a fulfilling time. This is lost to me at moments. The functionality dribbles and spurts. The deceptions in decisions more in the coming days. The face off of my late husbands drawers in time stood still ... still tightly shut ... The need to remove this. 

The decisions on what not obviously to move with me. Then the less obvious... 

The fall into place

is a slippery task in progress. You work through and turn the corner only for something else. This in conversations plenty with strangers I have connected with...

Beyond the conversations in commadarie on train platforms one Monday morning in August. The train back home first attempt to board via Milton Keynes, then Stoke, then after several others, the quieter train advised by the guard, straight through to London Euston with no stops, we finally departed on. The busy time in delays backing up the business of passengers from A-B ... The stack of people building up this day ... It would have been a completely smooth journey. The good connections in tube with other train to home in lovely and quiet off peak. The going against the flow of tourists enjoying the holidays into the city ... on my journey out ... 

Reflections in rhythm

.. a Crewe summer love in move ... 

And not without a lot of pain in the main ... physical too as it turns out ... The look forward into times to decide the thoughts of action in the silent plans in this recpricol recovery in a new move of a child  ... 

Removal of the excess still floating in time physical from the influx of hounds in ill ... the ignorance of self and the last week in kill ... 

The design in decor and vocation and other ideas ... soft furnishings in luxury no less ... the colour in walls ... a bed of sheer bliss to it is ... the skin remedies in material and wash ... Laundry solutions now different ... The pick up of creative design in luxury of simple sleek and stunning to me in reduced requirements ... 

A time in listen

of others woes ... and worries ... especially this week we are in ... it is making me realise I am listening once again ... out of the mists of mires ... 

End of the day ...

... muddles ... end of maybe antibiotics killing off an infection ... I am not sure yet ... The totally baffling dilemmas I still face through other outlet releases although entranced with much at the season in time ... 

... the muddles in totally off the track post and the sweetest smelling bog discription...

My mind in far today

with more workmen ripping up the innards of my daughters home to come, all about me ... this so fundamental in what I am used to but so different in life now ... 

Taking off ... to

pastures different in much at the end of July into the Aujust of 2016  ... a Bon voyage ... A birthday in a different county once again after a very long time in social and disdainful isolation ... the recovery on from the death that changed events ... a new abode and a long awaited car after a daughter finally got to do her driving test ...

And today gardening ... a little patch of heaven in a daughters courtyard mini. All she needs for now with the working life ladies are expected to juggle ... 

This was at the bottom of a request list of a very special gift of time where able from a mum  ...It is scheduled earlier ... I needed some air today. I was unable to finish the start on some painting of a bedroom while they are out of the home and in another country for the first holiday holiday since her Dad passed away ... holidays consisted of much after the aftermath and various deaths of those close to a daughter ... 

The current course of antibiotics leaving me weak from attacking the skin infection on my leg. I am like my family around me, we are hard to keep still when unwell too. 

This not understood the effect that time in leaving me overweight and overwrought damaging all areas of my well being 

I was once an active athletic girl ... you would not know that after what most say they could never imagine being without who are insensitive to my needs ... 

When you are ground down after months of hounding you too would turn a back on life ...