All is calm for now

A peaceful weekend. Just the tonic to restore the inner calm. It has fluncuated. 

I hope I have left enough time. My sister amused at the repetition. This is what it is like to function as the world sees fit. 

It looks I have to do it my way and whatever happens ... will be. 

The Mind like a sieve today ...

forgetful and I pleased with my writings from this ... musical instruments and titles and words playing hide and seek today ... all interesting though. I am trying to keep a focus ... using the weekend of non office hours to my advantage. 

I am hoping to get the main preparations well under way for the travels. This allows for stressful times. I can then get out and do the charity runs in peace without the struggle of juggling too many things at once and get overwhelmed that I do not function.  

It also enables a more cleared schedule to take out small tasks to sort into keep chuck or recycle... Until I depart ... 

the workings of a mind ...

the uniqueness of and spectrum of life I have witnessed and experienced .. a reason tor this ... 

working with the young and the mature, the frail and those unable to do ...  but can ... then time out for my own kids or as it happened ... what happened ... becoming a carer and now currently the cared for ... or for three months on me own ...

My writings still coming through ...

a little jaded today in some words ... but attempted with troublesome moments, good moments and with the beautiful blooms within the home from the weekend. And mine blooming elsewhere, in the country. 

I cannot really ask for more at present. Yes, I have as ever been cross at times, recalling the way hubby was left at end of life. The mood kept buoyant knowing an outcome will come one day if not from the current way .. the other way kept in mind ... for the result that may or may not come from those who are a law unto themselves ...

As Ever All Over The Place ...

but productive and good either way ... a day relaxing despite a spell of dizziness over the week end and those new moments of ills 

... fresh food ... fresh air ... fresh start ... get so much more of ... once I am out of this not so conducive environment ...

March Mothering Day
All remembered
2016

One and Another ...

Time and conflicts ... Walls ... mould ... stale air still ... health will be the key in the future from this time ... and this is just the beginning ... 

focus on the positive ... reminders still supported by the one stable always there sibling ... that is not fair on her ... nor me ... but who else is there to care ... the others are paid ... 

And then some ... only so much with time constraints. training and targets and red tape and too busy with so much and hardly time to breathe themselves ... 

The conflicts in a mind muddled and overwhelmed and no one to turn to ... as life is busy busy busy ... that stopping is listen, look and see and beyond is difficult for anyone ... 

Another Day of a Mood Pendulum ...

One minute happy as a lark ... the next angry as hell ... on the whole thankful to have such love in my world and although those that are far away, are near. I am wrapped in love, literally. A cardi my sister gave. I am finally wearing more of a variety of outfits and keeping them cleaned. And tomorrow I am deciding on whether to colour my hair or not. Or let the natural grey highlights get styled into my shortly new hairdo. 

I am starting to think about myself. I have my make up too, the basics. I am starting the way back to my colours and styles that we naturally evolve through, only that did go by the way for a while. I can even remember when I last more make up, on Graduation day. Every time I restore myself, our daughter can't but help but stare.

In fact, the last time she saw me I was back in black, but I did wear my red lace top. On that she as usual made a remark. All is noticed. It will be good when it is just as was. And it was different black. I cannot be thinking about colour and clothes. It is easier to slip something comfortable on without too much thought. I have had to think more recently being between dress sizes in some styling of dress, with the unnecessary weight slowly fading away.

My moods have swung off the charts this week ...

Happy on a few days that I treated myself to time and taste in one steamy room. I do use the oven more so less steam in this kitchen ... A technique to lessen condensation, kept under control, which was ruined by those times ... 

We had a special weekend which for me extended onto leap year day Monday too 

Another few hours of such low, at another time, meant I decided to take time out and pamper myself in the other steamy room of the home. 

I am not the only one in low mood. My mum in law is not in the best spirits with being unwell herself recently. I am hoping to get to see her again, next week. She is taken out to a Sunday service most weeks. If well enough to go this week, she will get the usual posy of daffs. This Mothers Day. 

It is good the days are getting longer, although I am not good travelling ... Let alone evenings and weekends. If public transport was a bit more frequent and reliable ... I would feel less lost ... 

Kick Start ... This Mind Today ...

it really is hurting ... not the head ache hurt or ache or crashing pain or throbbing or thumping ... the inner inner turmoil ... 

A few of my favourite things today ... I will see if that eases it ...

it Makes You Think ....

or not ...

Life is different for all. Not a living soul knows my end intentions. Once this end goal is achieved, and I am free of life restraints, I hope to achieve my ambition. I have always found the less you talk about things, the more likely it will happen. 

Another concept not understood. That is why I attempted to reach out, several times last year. Unfortunately it is generalized. No one knows how close I came to this end life. It was fortunate, that I came back from Cornwall, this time last year. I knew it was not taken seriously. Nothing really was put in place. 

I was on top of the world. It was the place for end. Fortunately my guardian angel was looking out. Lots and lots of white feathers, in those low, low moments, too. And still is. The last time too. 

I am looking forward to doing those plans one day to help others. And be free of my own constraints... The invisible ones as well ...

The Focus Away from All That surrounds

My head in the cloud and literally ... I am seeking resolutions on all things devicey. My favourite bits and bobs with what is available from the access I have. I have been with the high end of tech, only cos my sister is known for being the device queen and is on a different level in that aspect. She likes the new, as soon as it comes out. I am happy if it works well for what you have. And wait for the flaws to iron out and come down in price. 

As time moves on she still likes to make sure I am Ok, but knows I am striving to regain my own ways again. I am known in the hub of family life for being creative and less money oriented in life  than others ... Like my Dad, why waste things if it is still has life left in it ...

I have also been trying to focus on other reading and research ...